Without a modern stadium, equipped for the demands of the NFL, Los Angelinos hopes for an NFL team have been suppressed for years. Sure USC has provided some pro-level thrills here and there (thanks Reggie Bush!), but nothing has come close to that NFL feel. And frankly, nothing will. So why not get behind something entirely different and more than a little crazy? Something like Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley, of the rock band KISS, creating an Arena Football expansion team and named it after their band? Too crazy? Well, that shit ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
Football is back. Enter the LA KISS.
It’s March, which means, according to science, you’ve inevitably given up on your New Year’s resolutions. Would you like another chance at a fresh start? Well, you’re in luck! March 11th marks the beginning of the NFL’s fiscal year, when contracts officially come off the books and the free agent process begins. Teams will fight to get under the salary cap, re-sign star players and strategize their use of the franchise tag. Basically, it’s the GM’s time to shine.
For the Oakland Raiders, the last few New Years have failed as spectacularly as my resolution to quit crystal meth. Coming off back to back 4-12 seasons, and navigating contract hell, the Raiders have been at the bottom of the NFL for years now. However, with shrewd maneuvering and some patience, GM Reggie McKenzie has managed to create a favorable salary cap situation, setting the Raiders up to be one of the most intriguing teams this offseason.
Think of the most generic football player you can. The most cliche composite of every standard jock stereotype there is. You probably see a giant hulk of a man with taped fingers, black out smudged under his eyes, and tribal tattoos peeking out from under his jersey. He’s shouting about something. Probably hustle or “gettin’ his”. If you had to sum the guy up in three words you could use loud, huge, and sweaty. A grizzly bear of a gladiator, thirsty to get out on the field and mess someone up. Also, he is an alcoholic womanizer who acts like he is above the law and starts fights in night clubs with people who don’t respect him. Oh was that not part of your mental picture? Well that has been the cliche football player we have all become accustomed to over the last several decades: a slightly more athletic Rob Ford.
Seriously it’s like someone let a lineman from Miami run a city.