Without a modern stadium, equipped for the demands of the NFL, Los Angelinos hopes for an NFL team have been suppressed for years. Sure USC has provided some pro-level thrills here and there (thanks Reggie Bush!), but nothing has come close to that NFL feel. And frankly, nothing will. So why not get behind something entirely different and more than a little crazy? Something like Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley, of the rock band KISS, creating an Arena Football expansion team and named it after their band? Too crazy? Well, that shit ACTUALLY HAPPENED.
Football is back. Enter the LA KISS.
It’s March, which means, according to science, you’ve inevitably given up on your New Year’s resolutions. Would you like another chance at a fresh start? Well, you’re in luck! March 11th marks the beginning of the NFL’s fiscal year, when contracts officially come off the books and the free agent process begins. Teams will fight to get under the salary cap, re-sign star players and strategize their use of the franchise tag. Basically, it’s the GM’s time to shine.
For the Oakland Raiders, the last few New Years have failed as spectacularly as my resolution to quit crystal meth. Coming off back to back 4-12 seasons, and navigating contract hell, the Raiders have been at the bottom of the NFL for years now. However, with shrewd maneuvering and some patience, GM Reggie McKenzie has managed to create a favorable salary cap situation, setting the Raiders up to be one of the most intriguing teams this offseason.
Think of the most generic football player you can. The most cliche composite of every standard jock stereotype there is. You probably see a giant hulk of a man with taped fingers, black out smudged under his eyes, and tribal tattoos peeking out from under his jersey. He’s shouting about something. Probably hustle or “gettin’ his”. If you had to sum the guy up in three words you could use loud, huge, and sweaty. A grizzly bear of a gladiator, thirsty to get out on the field and mess someone up. Also, he is an alcoholic womanizer who acts like he is above the law and starts fights in night clubs with people who don’t respect him. Oh was that not part of your mental picture? Well that has been the cliche football player we have all become accustomed to over the last several decades: a slightly more athletic Rob Ford.
Seriously it’s like someone let a lineman from Miami run a city.
Colin Kubichek was the biggest kid in my sixth grade class. Towering over us at 6’2’’’ and 220 lbs, the man-child known as Koobs more than earned his ‘heavyweight’ helmet sticker, and thus was barred from playing his dream position – running back. One fateful game, he got his wish in the form of a gift wrapped interception that hit him right in the numbers. Thirty seconds later he’d lumbered his way into the endzone, dragging not one, not two, but four players with him. He was so slow a couple of kids bounced off him, got back up, and chased him down only to bounce off a second time.
Kind of like how Rob Ford runs Toronto
With the NFL season officially over, we get to the time of year that I love the most, the NFL draft process. The Senior Bowl, the Combine, and even the Pro Days give hope to fans of shitty teams (GO RAIDERS!) that next year is the year things turn around. This year’s draft class is as good and as deep as any, leaving many fans dreaming of a Chiefs-esque resurrection. Headlined by some of the biggest personalities that college football has ever seen, from Johnny Football to the freak of nature that is Jadeveon Clowney, the talent pool this year offers a lot to get excited about. Personally though, I’m most intrigued by four players you haven’t heard much about. Mind you this isn’t a list of the best prospects in the draft it’s just a list of my four favorites that are leaving the college ranks. And in no particular order away we go:
Wow guys. Remember way back in the day when I predicted that this Super Bowl was going to be considered the greatest of all time and that the Broncos would win a hard fought battle and solidify their legacy as the greatest offense of all time? Man things were crazy two days ago. I honestly was not planning on writing a follow up to that article because who would honestly care? But I made a lot of predictions that not only did not happen, but were the exact opposite of what actually happened.
I call this picture “Right After the 2nd Half Kickoff”
Just in case you have been in a coma for the last couple weeks and weren’t aware, we are on the cusp of the most American holiday there is: Super Bowl Sunday. A day where we embrace overindulgence of alcohol, terrible food, and celebrate the true American pastime of football. So it’s like every other day in America except we get excited for commercials. I don’t know about you, but I am extremely excited for the game this year. Primarily because I am a longtime Denver Broncos fan. Basically since I was old enough to process that Denver’s logo is a pissed off horse with a fire mane.
The old logo shot laser beams! We should all be Broncos fans.