MEDAL ROUND, BITCHES

All right, America, it’s time to drop the objectivity. It’s time to leave reason, logic, and foresight behind and give in to blind emotion.

It’s time to do what Teemu Selanne and the Finns did on Wednesday, and what they’ll no doubt continue to do tomorrow.

It’s time to believe.

Sure, the Canadians have Sidney Crosby, Jonathan Toews, Duncan Keith, Drew Doughty, Ryan Getzlaf, Martin St. Louis, Jeff Carter, Shea Weber, Corey Perry, and Carey Price, among other top-level players. Sure, they’re the defending gold medalists. Sure, their country lives, breathes, and dies hockey, showing a devotion to the frozen sport that rivals Europeans’ devotion to football, or Americans’ devotion to football.

The fact of the matter is that if there is any one team that can beat the Canadians in this tournament, it’s Team USA. The Americans have overcome every challenge the Olympics have thrown at them and have looked good doing it. What’s that, Russia? You want to go eight rounds in the shootout? Meet TJ Oshie.

Seen here: the hockey player performs a complicated mating dance.

Oshie’s 4 goals in 6 attempts proved to be the toughest test the US faced. The next day, Phil Kessel recorded a natural hat trick as Team USA beat Slovenia 5-1, granting them the top spot in Group A and the second overall seed in the tournament. Three days later, the US took advantage of the day off their bye earned them to light up a tired Czech Republic squad and roll to a semifinal matchup with none other than those bastard syrup-suckers, Team Canada.

It’s the rematch we’ve all been waiting for. The two teams that played for gold in 2010 are playing to play for gold in 2014. 24 players between the two teams are returning from that epic matchup – 11 for Canada and 13 for the United States.

This one is for Vancouver. Eat your fucking heart out, Sidney Crosby. You had your time. Make way for Team Freedom. We need some gold collar tags for all the stray dogs David Backes is bringing home.

This isn’t for all the marbles. Both the winner and the loser of tomorrow’s game will play one more match. This is for the right to play for the marbles. Gold. Gold marbles. Whatever. The point is, this year’s team can absolutely win gold. Their confidence and level of play have increased with every goal they’ve scored, and the Canadians have shown holes that the Americans have sealed up tight.

The goal scoring is there. The defense is there. The goaltending is there. Every facet of Team USA is clicking at the exact right time.

It’s time to leave behind the Miracle on Ice. It’s time to stop looking back at history and start creating it. It’s time for Zach Parise, Patrick Kane, Ryan Kesler, Phil Kessel, Ryan Suter, Jonathan Quick, and their brethren to overcome the One Ring of Power, the BFG, the Elder Wand that is Canada.

Phil Kessel, our lives are in your hands.

In spite of everything that’s counting against us, I believe that the American men’s team can achieve what the American women’s team came so close to accomplishing: defeating Canada on Olympic ice.

I believe. Do you?

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One thought on “MEDAL ROUND, BITCHES

  1. Pingback: NonPlayersUnion | WELL, THAT ONE HURT

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